If you never ask the question

                                                         You'll never find the answer

As a young girl l loved all animals but was particularly fascinated by horses 


Eventually l was allowed to start riding lessons at a highly respected riding school 

But even as a little girl l felt that it was a double-edged sword

It was a dream come true to be around horses and to 'ride' them' 

but it was such a desperate disappointment to feel such guilt 

at bouncing about on them and being told to kick and pull them 

Nonetheless l continued along that path 

but l always felt deep regret that every time l rode

My horse was making a sacrifice that it did not ask to make...


I continually asked 'instructors' to teach me the right way 

because l clearly didn't know what the right way was

The only thing that l did know was that this felt like the wrong way...


Nobody could teach me the right way

Because they only knew the wrong way

They told me that this was the only way.....

But l knew that there had to be another way...

So l made a concious decision not to ride...

A long time later l bought my first horse 

She was a beautiful black mare called Riverina

I hadn't planned to buy her but for some reason I was drawn to her 

She was scared confused and sometimes dangerous 

but she was also gentle and true  

She was destined to be shot according to the 'experts' 

But l couldn't be persuaded to do this even under threat...  


It was only when l really took the time to look into her eyes 

and then really saw into her soul

l could see that she didn't understand the world 

didn't understand me 

and l didn't understand her at all


Everything that l had been 'taught' about horses didn't apply to her! 

And everything the 'experts' knew didn't apply to her either! 

The only thing that l did know was that l loved her

 I felt guilty, sad, helpless and alone


But worst of all l felt that l had betrayed her by listening to the 'experts' 

So l resolved to listen to my own heart 

and trust my own instinct


I found a different way that to me is 

Kind       Quiet       Logical       and       Simple


I studied and researched countless equestrian methods 

with teachers and horses 

From BHS to Natural and everything else in between

I took what l thought was empathetic quiet and sufficient 

and left everything else 

in a place l don't go to....


I'm still learning

I'll never stop learning


I wish l could find an even more understanding way 

but until l do I'll do it 

the simplest way I know how 

My way is certainly not the only way

But it is the only way that l can be true to myself 

And it is the only way that l can be true to my horse

Riverina was never shot...

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